Thoughts on Raising Children in a Non-Native (and therefore imperfect) Language

There are regular bilingual parenting issues and then there are non-native bilingual parenting issues. Those of us who are attempting to raise our children in a language which we do not speak natively will naturally have additional questions, fears and feelings of inadequacy. One of the most common fears, and one that I remember facing when I first started out on our bilingual parenting journey, comes from our imperfect knowledge of the target language. And, no wonder! How can we even think of teaching our children a language which we ourselves haven’t yet mastered perfectly?  It’s a valid concern and it’s one that many parents, who wish to raise children in a foreign language, share. It may seem like an insurmountable barrier to some. 

So often we think that we have to be an expert at something before we can teach that skill to others. But that is just not the case! Just think about real life. If I want to teach my child manners, do I need to have a certificate from a leading etiquette school? Or can I assume that I know enough about manners to teach my children the basics. Granted, I may even teach my children some incorrect manners. For instance, I may teach them to use the salad fork when they should have used the dessert fork…BUT should I let my imperfect knowledge of manners stop me from teaching any manners at all? Of course not. Won’t my children be far better off by learning a few manners, even if some of them might not be exactly perfect, than if I threw in the towel and decided to just not teach them any manners? This same reasoning can be made for most skills and habits that we teach our children. I may want to teach my children to do housework. Does that mean that I need to be perfect at keeping my house clean? Do I need to know all the ins and outs of custodial cleanliness? Or can I suffice with just teaching them what I know? One amazing fact remains when it comes to raising children. Not only can I teach my children something that I know, but I can even help them to become better at something than I am. With the right training, my children can develop even better manners and be even better housekeepers than myself. Yes, of course, we should teach by example. But once our children surpass us, we can still help them learn things, even things that are outside of our own ability. We do this through our encouragement, our efforts in making sure they have the right materials and our finding and placing experts in their path. The bottom line is that you absolutely do not have to be the expert in everything that you teach your children. 

How wonderful that parenting usually starts out with a small, helpless infant, whose knowledge of the world is extremely limited. Surely, we know a little more about the world than our tiny little baby. And that should give any parent a little boost of confidence. The main factor to remember is that we don’t need to have a perfect knowledge of something, we just need to know a little more than the person we are teaching and as that person learns, it’s up to us to learn right along with them and to be the wind beneath their wings. 

Yes, I make LOTS of mistakes in German. And, yes, my children also make LOTS of mistakes in German. But, not once have my kids chastised me for attempting to teach them a language that I didn't speak perfectly. On the contrary! Rather, every single one of my eight beautiful children continues to express gratitude for their ability to speak German, even if that German is flawed and imperfect. My motto has always been: An imperfect second language is better than no second language!

My sweet missionary daughter and her companion, at a Christmas market near Frankfurt.
 Even though I taught her imperfect German,she has still been able to communicate just fine--from the minute she arrived.
In fact, she is often mistaken for a native German.  She'll be the first to admit that an imperfect second language is better than none at all. 

Starting Early is Key!

We always tend drift towards the language that comes more naturally and feels most comfortable. Because of this, it’s crucial establish your target language as early as possible.

It’s hard to imagine that speaking your foreign language will ever feel comfortable, but it definitely can. Be patient.

The concept of starting early actually benefits the parent more than the child. It’s all about establishing habits. By speaking to your newborn in the target language, you are training yourself and familiarizing yourself with the language. It can feel strange to speak to a 3 month old baby in a foreign language, especially, since that baby does not understand what you are saying and is not able to respond. But, by using the target language, you are establishing a relationship in that particular language. The more you use the language when talking and interacting with your baby, the more comfortable you will start to feel in the target language. And by the time your baby reaches the age where he or she can understand and even respond to your words, your new language will feel quite natural. In fact, it will soon feel so comfortable, that the thought of speaking your native language to your child will feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I remember being astounded by this concept with own children. How could speaking my own native language to my children feel uncomfortable? And how did my non-native language become the more natural and familiar mode of communication? It was at this point, that I realized that we had succeeded in truly implementing our target language. Speaking the target language was no longer something on our long list of things we were trying to accomplish. It was just the way we did things. Once we got the ball rolling, we didn’t really even think about it.  Speaking German was how we rolled. It was and is our normal way of communicating. 

The sooner you establish your target language as the “natural” mode of communication, the better. The longer you wait, the harder it will get. This is because relationships are partly defined by language. The language you use in a particular relationship become a powerful habit. To change that language habit takes extra work. For instance, if you’ve been speaking your native language with your daughter until age 5 and then you try to get her to switch to a different language, she will probably resist. Even if she wants to learn the target language, it will require so much effort and feel so strange that she will likely give up and resort to the easier language. That’s why it’s so important to start early. Establishing your target language as the “normal” mode of communication from the get-go is way easier than trying to switch languages later on. Kids (and adults) don’t want to think about language. It’s a tool used to communicate. We don’t want to think about our tools, we just want to use the one that gets the job done with the least amount of effort. This is the reason we tend to always revert to the language that feels more natural. To do anything else requires extra work and effort. 

Getting written up in a magazine and spreading the word about non-native bilingual parenting!

I get excited about non-native bilingual parenting. Our family's bilingualism has had such a positive impact on everything that we do. If you ask any of my kids, they will all tell you that they are super happy that we taught them German. And because of this, I get excited about encouraging others to do the same. There are so many people that speak a foreign language who haven't even considered the possibility of teaching their children that language. And there are many other people who have considered it a possibility but who lack the confidence to actually try it. This is the very reason why I started my blog (and my website). I just wanted to let others know that it can be done...and done successfully. 

I was super excited when I was interviewed by Sue Bergin, one of the editors of BYU Magazine, a magazine published by Brigham Young University with a readership of over 200,000. How fun to share the idea of non-native bilingual parenting with even more people! Sue did a great job on the article. She also interviewed Cindy Brewer, who is also a non-native bilingual parent. Cindy and I were graduate students at the same time. My college-aged daughter, Kiana, currently happens to be taking German from Cindy. Kiana, who can speak fairly fluently already, is finally getting a good grasp on her German grammar. It's fun to see just how much she is learning. 

Anyways, here is the link to a great article about Non-Native Bilingual Parenting.

German School at Home! An Update on our French and German part-time Home School Experiment.

 We're already a couple months into the school year and things are going great! I'm still so grateful to the kids' teachers at school. I'm so grateful that they are willing to support us as we pull the kids out of school one day each week to home school them in German and French.
At first the kids were a little reluctant to miss school, however, they now really look forward to our "German School" days. I love that the mornings are more relaxed--no lunches to make, no rushing through breakfast, no worrying about finding matching clothes and homework assignments. We have a nice breakfast, clean up, and then, after our German family scripture time, we head up to our school room.
We usually start out the day by going over the calendar. After that, the kids write in their journals. We do some reading together and often I let two of them work on a worksheet while I do some one-on-one reading with each of them. We like to do some of the activities in our "Fibel" (primer). Then we spend some time doing worksheets. I use a German grade school curriculum which I really like. We're almost finished with the first grade year and I'm in the process of ordering the second grade curriculum. Sometimes, we play reading games (the curriculum came with some fun games). Of course, we always have lunch and recess. I love that I can send them outside to play and explore during recess. After that we come back in and work on French. It's amazing to see just how much they are learning in French. Sometimes, we have crafts or go on an outing. Some days, I also throw in some math or science...depending on how we're doing. Each day ends up being a little different. Some home school days are more productive than others, but for the most part, we get a lot done and enjoy our time together.
I spliced together some videos I've taken over the the past several weeks of our home school to kind of show how we roll: